have pants, will travel

hi, we're Southern

My best friend since age 12 stayed with us last night on her way up to Officer Candidate School (for the Navy) in Rhode Island. We stayed in and ordered pizza, and we spent the evening discussing what the next 3 months will hold for her. I quizzed her on all the various business she has to memorize (chain of command, the Sailor’s Creed, etc.), and we talked about her fears about passing the physical tests.

However, what we talked about most was hair advice, as her mid-back length, red curly hair is going to be chopped to about two inches long at 9 am Sunday morning. A short (as short as my hair), blunt-cut, red curly poof on my glamorous, gorgeous best friend.

Shit. Y’all don’t even KNOW. I think I’d just shave my head instead.

let the right one in, part forever

My husband’s Facebook status from last night reads, “Evan Lysacek < Johnny Weir.” In case y’all aren’t familiar with the two gentlemen in question, they’re both US male figure skaters who have a pretty bitter rivalry.

Now, lest anyone think Nic is fruity because he knows who these two are (let alone has a preference for either of them), let me assure you that his Dude Credentials are in good order. He watches all four major sports faithfully, purposely went to a school with a prominent football team (Virginia Tech), plays a ridiculous amount of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, can use the full complement of power tools, and can take a car engine apart and put it back together without assistance. Simply, he watches figure skating with me because he loves me and wants to make me happy.

However, the particular skater he favors is kind of interesting. This is Evan Lysacek, who’s the current world champion and is a fairly butch dude (for a male skater):

And this is Johnny Weir, his favorite skater:

What does your Tumblr username mean?

lickystickypickyme:

(via zombienumbersix)

i wanted to pick (picky) out a popsicle. (licky) and because they came on those wooden sticks (sticky)….the name lickystickypicky was born. i added “me” a few decades later.

Tax evasion issues. I had to flee my old shop. Uncle Sam is on the lookout for the old one.

Bill Hicks, a very brilliant comedian who died way too young and is constantly (and badly) emulated, is one of my heroes.

Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um—they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? There’s another 90 percent of our brains that we have to illuminate.

(a possible series of) insane athletes, part 1: Svetlana Khorkina

Vicky recently mentioned the 2014 Sochi Olympics logo, which got me to thinking about one of the Sochi bid’s most prominent supporters, a Russian gymnast named Svetlana Khorkina. She’s undeniably my favorite gymnast of all time (insert story here about my being a gymnast as a child, which those of you who know what I look like will find hysterical), mostly because she’s utterly fucking nuts.

Accomplishments (infamous)

• Posed nude in the Russian version of Playboy in 1997 (gymnasts are not exactly known for their bustral endowments, and she’s no exception)
• Frequently proclaimed herself the winner of events which she, in fact, did not win (namely the 2004 Olympics all-around)
• Shortly after retiring from gymnastics, gave birth to a son after hiding her pregnancy for the entire nine months (she has never revealed the father’s identity)

Accomplishments (athletic)

• 3-time world all-around champion (1997, 2001, 2003)
• 6-time world uneven bars champion
• 2-time Olympic gold medalist in uneven bars
• 7 Olympic medals (from 3 different Olympics)
• 8 eponymous skills in the Code of Points, including at least one on every apparatus (more than any gymnast, male or female)
• Oldest female world champion since 1966 (age 24)

Quotes

• “I’ve seen a much tougher opposition than her [Carly Patterson, the 2004 Olympics all-around gold medalist]. Let’s see how long she can remain on top. Can she keep going and compete in two more Olympics like myself?” (answer: no)
• “I don’t mind. I wouldn’t have been called a diva or a queen if I wasn’t creative.”
• “Age is not important to me. You know they say a man sometimes prefers older women because they can satisfy him more. It is the same in gymnastics.”

adventures in irresponsible parenting (part infinity)

Three Parenting Decisions My Late Mom Might Have Wanted to Think About Maybe, Y’know, a Little More:

1. Sending a 5-year old me out unsupervised to sweep our new patio before the rails were installed, whereupon I almost immediately fell off the highest part and landed on my back in the yard with a pint-sized WHUMP (childhood spatial awareness ftw)
2. Packing me into the car and instructing me to tell her if “mommy starts to drive off the road” when she unexpectedly had to go pick up my father after guzzling two 4-packs of Bartles & Jaymes with the neighbor lady and her sister (note: my mom never drank, which is why wine coolers would get her smashed)
3. Flooring it after my father’s Cadillac when she (and my brother and I, aged 6 and 5) busted him in the car with a random blonde, then chasing him at 100+ mph for 40 or 50 miles until the Caddy ran out of gas.* My dad insisted that he had to take his lady friend, who in actuality was a stripper, home, so we all drove to the woman’s house and saw her pet snake.

*My mom accomplished this in a comparatively underpowered 1987 Ford Tempo. Nice driving, mom!