January 2012
7 posts
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
shit that really needs to exist right now
a pill or some other minor, one-shot ingestible that renders my entire body resistant to UV rays. It’s 2012. Why do I still have to grease myself up like I’m swimming the English Channel every time I go outdoors?
self-applying nail polish, because while I have a considerable amount of love for those tiny bottles of stinky paint, sometimes I’m just lazy.
something that prevents...
“Andrew Marvell’s poem wherein the ‘remote Bermudas ride in the...”
– I’m fixin’ to throw this book down, put on pants, and drive to Harris Teeter for some goddamn oranges.
2 tags
December 2011
11 posts
pearapple replied to your photo: MOAR CHRISTMAS NAILS, part deux: I have nearly 300…
ohhhhhh i love this! i also wish i could paint my nails as well as you can.
I am actually not particularly good at painting my nails - I use a cleanup method I found on the MakeupAlley nail board (warning: this forum is full of hard down nail polish freaks, including myself, and will make me look insane)....
2 tags
1 tag
Chelsea P. Cat, sympathetic creature that she is, seems to know when I’ve decided it’s time to tidy up the guest room for my in-laws’ visit tomorrow (oh god oh god OH GOD). She decided to urge me to wait a bit longer by taking a gigantic shit in her litter box, which is a) grossing me out of existence but b) giving me an excuse to avoid the guest room for a few minutes. Nice job,...
I apologize in advance for this
but my husband doesn’t understand why I want to decorate for Christmas, since his mother hates Christmas, and she’s going to be here this weekend. (FYI: if you hate Christmas, my house is the last place on earth you need to be.)
As anybody who’s known me for more than forty seconds could attest, I love my husband. Extravagantly so. Yes, I know, spouses love their spouses, but I seriously adore and respect him. I’d help him hide a body if he needed me to, and if anyone hurts him, I will totally RUIN THEIR SHIT. More importantly, I just like him.
So can someone, anyone, tell me why it’s a fucking federal...
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
November 2011
12 posts
1 tag
Being married to someone who’s immunocompromised truly sucks, y’all. Not only does he get every damn cold, flu, fever, and case of shingles (seriously) that comes down the pike, but he then gives them all to me. Well, except the shingles.
I can’t even rightly make fun of him, since it’s not, like, his fault that a case of swine flu exploded into a horrific bout of...
wherein I can't deal with reality television (long...
So whenever Nic and I are bored/there’s no football on/feel lazy about cleaning, we watch an episode or two of Hoarders. I only saw my first episode of the show last month when we were moving, and I figured at some point I was going to see something that hit a nerve badly enough to turn it off. I’m not sure why I do this to myself, but mission accomplished.
Y’see, my mom was a...
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Holy shit, IKEA is a totally different place on a weekday morning - it’s almost civilized. (I’ve only ever been here on Saturdays.)
He must be a hypnotist or have a solid gold penis... →
Spending wayyyy too much time on this today. Such a horrible show, and OMG I CAN’T STOP READING.
1 tag
The new kitchen’s floor is much better-suited to choreographing terrible impromptu dance routines while I clean.
(this has been the news)
October 2011
27 posts
1 tag
2 tags
things I don't love
Sneezing fits while driving on 395 at 80mph.
1 tag
notes from my millionth day of packing (subtitled:...
Most of what’s taking so goddamn long is having to reduce our shit by a significant amount. We’re moving from Burke to Arlington (for those outside the DC area, 20 miles closer to the city), and the increase in rent comes with a commensurate decrease in space. You’d think it would work the other way, but whatever.
We’re also doing like 17,000 things at once tomorrow. The...
2 tags
2 tags
call off the emergency siren
The nail polish has been packed. No manis for a while.
I also picked up the next installment of one of my terrible book series at the library, where I’ve been on hold for it for like three months. The Fairfax County library system has a waiting list for books the library has on order, and I was near the top for this one. Suck it, high schoolers.
1 tag
1 tag
3 tags
1 tag
it figures
that since I’ve packed my yarn, all I want to do is knit. AND since I’ve packed my PS3 games, all I want to do is play Fallout 3. Annoying.
Also, Drive was amazing. This is embarrassing, but I’ve only ever seen Ryan Gosling in The Notebook (don’t you judge me), so I wasn’t sure if he could be a credible dramatic/action actor. He did an awesome job of being a taciturn...
1 tag
37 years of sucking ass (the Tennessee way) →
This is my high school, who apparently has stunk at football since my mom went there. Full dork disclosure: I was on the yearbook staff junior and senior years, and covering sports was PAINFUL.
1 tag
short and possibly insane list of items I am...
entire 300+ bottle nail polish collection
tattered blanky that I’ve had since birth
autographed picture of Peyton Manning, which I got in person and in stupefied silence, since any words would have come out as “I love you and want to have all of your babies”
Lexapro, since HOLY FUCK THIS WHOLE BUSINESS IS MAKING ME TWITCHY.
apparently we are the last people on earth who...
We’re seeing it tomorrow, and Nic has commandeered my laptop to watch clips from Pusher for the entire evening while high school football plays on mute. ADD FTW, y’all.
Dmitri Young playing Winter League ball in... →
Da Meat Hook?!? Will wonders never cease?
So I foolishly viewed a few episodes of Hoarders (which I’d never actually watched) to get motivated to declutter and pack. Unfortunately, I’m now terrified of empty Target bags, overflowing litter boxes, and mouse turds. WTF PEOPLE OH MY GOD.
I might just throw away everything I own.
