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This is what greets me when I come to bed, every single night of my life. The feet behind her are my husband, who’s been in bed for almost two hours (he’s geriatric).

I’m gonna have a bitch of a time explaining to my future child why the cat gets to sleep in mama and daddy’s bed and she doesn’t. “It’s why we got a king-size bed, honey. Besides, she’s been here longer than you.”